Croswhite
I'm so frustrated and impatient when it comes to my love life.
I absolutely love the church that I'm going to but I'm scared that part of the reason that I go is to stare at the guy who sings and plays the guitar for 30 minutes. I'm always so disappointed when the music is over, and not just because of my love of music.
It wouldn't be so bad except that he's engaged and getting married in like 2 weeks. So many times during the week I wish I had his fiance's life. I am so insanely jealous. He's really the first guy my age that I've been able to look to and say "that's what I want in a man". He's so strong in his faith and that's SO appealing to me.
I can lecture myself about waiting for what God has planned, but it doesn't sink in. I know that this is the time for me -and the man I'm going to marry- to build our relationship with God so that we have a strong foundation to build a marriage on, BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!
I'm scared that I'll forget everything I know when the first semi-eligible guy comes along (like I have in the past) and make a huge mistake and actually marry the guy.
UPDATE: After some careful thought last night I've come to some kind of conclusion that makes me feel better about going to Church to look at another girl's fiancee. It isn't HIM I want, it's the idea of him. When I say he's the first guy my age that I've been able to "look up to", what I mean is...in the circle of people that I consider "family", there are only 2 Christian men that I can look at and say "ohhh, that's what a Godly man should be like". And they're both around 50 years old. I have a "cousin" that's in his late 20s, but for some reason I just don't see him as a role model. So, I justify my voyeuristic tendencies by saying that I see in him an example of what I want in a man.
I absolutely love the church that I'm going to but I'm scared that part of the reason that I go is to stare at the guy who sings and plays the guitar for 30 minutes. I'm always so disappointed when the music is over, and not just because of my love of music.
It wouldn't be so bad except that he's engaged and getting married in like 2 weeks. So many times during the week I wish I had his fiance's life. I am so insanely jealous. He's really the first guy my age that I've been able to look to and say "that's what I want in a man". He's so strong in his faith and that's SO appealing to me.
I can lecture myself about waiting for what God has planned, but it doesn't sink in. I know that this is the time for me -and the man I'm going to marry- to build our relationship with God so that we have a strong foundation to build a marriage on, BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!
I'm scared that I'll forget everything I know when the first semi-eligible guy comes along (like I have in the past) and make a huge mistake and actually marry the guy.
UPDATE: After some careful thought last night I've come to some kind of conclusion that makes me feel better about going to Church to look at another girl's fiancee. It isn't HIM I want, it's the idea of him. When I say he's the first guy my age that I've been able to "look up to", what I mean is...in the circle of people that I consider "family", there are only 2 Christian men that I can look at and say "ohhh, that's what a Godly man should be like". And they're both around 50 years old. I have a "cousin" that's in his late 20s, but for some reason I just don't see him as a role model. So, I justify my voyeuristic tendencies by saying that I see in him an example of what I want in a man.
posted by Lisa @ 8:02 PM
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