wishing i could cry more and care less

I haven't spoken to You or felt Your presence in days.
The words I read...Your words...seem empty and meaningless.
I've tried talking to you again and again but it seems like you don't hear a word I'm saying, and right now I don't have any left.
I've tried being quiet and just listening to what You say, but all I hear is the ringing of silence in my ears.
You have information that I'm not privy to, and You won't share.
I've told You what I'd be willing to do, what I'd be willing to go through, but that doesn't seem to matter.

But even through all of this...

I know You are the very essence of love.
I know that You are good, and your plans are as well.
I know that because of the nature of who You are, you care so much more for the burdens on my heart than I ever could.
And...I know I'm probably closing my eyes and desperately trying to find you, and all the while you're probably saying, "just open your eyes and you'll be able to see my hands reaching out to you."

Strange place to be, and one that I've never really been before.
I don't think I like it.